Pete meets Take That

I dreamt that I met Take That. How mad was that? It was the take that of old, back when Robbie was in the band and Howard had dreads. Does Howard still have dreads? To be honest, I have little idea: I'm just guessing that he'll have chopped them off by now.

But, whatever, here I am in my dream, I'm sitting in some dingy little room where there's only one table, and Take That come in and sit down. And I suddenly think: "Hang on, they're Take That, aren't they?" Sure enough, I look across the table, and Robbie's smiling at me. I'm all: "Alright?" And he goes: "Yeah." I'm thinking that this is a bit of a strange situation, but anyway, I turn to my right, and there's Howard. I say to him: "You alright?" He smiles and nods in return.

So I'm a bit confused at this point: I'm sitting in a dingy little room, minding my own business, when Take That come in and sit down with me. I figure: "They must be doing a show here in a bit or something, I'd best leave them to it…" So I get up and make my way out. At this point I realise that I'm only wearing a towel, but for some reason, I don't really mind.

I leave through what must be the back door to the place, and I look up the walkway, up towards a crowd of screaming girls, who are all trying to get through the door to see Take That. I'm utterly perplexed by this point: I have no idea what's going on - what are Take That doing in my dream, why am I wearing only a towel, and why is it so darn dingy in my dream (it's kind of like Blade Runner)?! I just sort of stand around, looking at the posters on the side of the venue, thinking about the absurdity of the situation for a few minutes, and then my dream changes shot: there's a guy and a woman - they must be Take That's management or something - and they're talking about me, all: "He was very relaxed around the band, he's cool, we should let him in to be a part of all this."

The couple invite me back inside, and tell me to follow them. Take That aren't there any longer: they must have gone off to get ready. This management couple lead me into a large auditorium, with really steep steps down to the bottom, and there's a load of activity going on all the way down the steps to the arena. I'm following this couple down the steps, and my main concern at this point is that my towel may come off at any point. Why couldn't they give me some clothes before letting me join them to help set up the show?!

The next bizarre twist: this auditorium is being used as a TV studio of sorts. To get to where we're going, we have to pass Jon Snow, who's reading a report for the Channel 4 News. My two 'friends' go on ahead of me, and step carefully over the cables and stuff, right past Mr Snow, who doesn't look amused that people are walking between him and the camera. I have no choice but to follow, but I can't step quite as carefully as the other two, as I'm wearing only a towel, so my legs are restricted in their movement. I don't want to disrupt Mr Snow AND flash him at the same time. That would be overly rude.

As it turns out, I can't step carefully enough, and I nudge one of the cameras as I step by. This is terrible, I hear the producers cry: the news report they're filming is going out live, and I've just messed things up for them… I continue hurriedly down to the bottom of the steps, where the Take That management team are sitting playing Pong. No lies: they're there, with an Atari 2600, playing Pong, having a great time. They've already forgotten about me.

Unfortunately, the Channel 4 News producer hasn't forgotten about me, and he's coming down the stairs, with an incredulous look on his face, which I read to mean "I can't believe that these two have brought this boy in here with them: he's only wearing a towel, and he's just ruined our transmission!"

Whatever, that was my dream. I can actually understand where most of the elements of the dream came from. Can you?