My stomach has shrunk, and now I can't get drunk

Starve yourself for two weeks and lay off the alcohol, and you'll have a real difficult time trying to party, I can tell you… Last night was my cousin's 21st, so I felt the need to try and celebrate with him - I'd forget my hardcore regime for just one night. Bring on the champagne! Bring on the quesadillas! Go on, bring on the beer! Bring on my mozzarella sandwich and chips! Yep, bring on the shandy!

But, boy, I was in no state to handle this. About one bite into the sandwich, and I was stuffed. My stomach must be about half the size it was when I came out here. I said: "Sorry, Chris, I just can't do it!" Far from having a party, I was on the brink of throwing up and then falling asleep. Poor Chris: it was his 21st, all he wanted to do was get slaughtered and hit on women, but nobody was up for getting drunk with him, and there were no women about whatsoever.

I didn't mind, though. I was full of food, and heading home for a nice sleep.

- - - - -

Go on: starve yourself for two weeks and lay off the alcohol!

There was a magazine cover that intrigued me on holiday, but I never looked beyond the front cover. Oh no, after looking through a magazine only to find that the Paris Hilton cover story only warranted a few paragraphs of information I already knew (and it's not like I'm a celebrity gossip expert), I doubt I'll ever look inside another gossip mag again.

Anyway, this magazine... It was telling all the girls "drop a dress size in a week!" I swear it was a week. I was thinking: "How the hell could you do that, other than by buying a dress from a different store?"

I never read it. I had much more interesting things to read...